


Photograph

by mtrssmustdie



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Phan Drabble, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-16
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-07 01:02:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5437655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtrssmustdie/pseuds/mtrssmustdie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i had this fic idea in my head for so long that i had to write it. it is basically fluff fluff fluff phan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Photograph

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is my first phanfiction. also, this is the first english written fanfiction i post ever. i'm brazilian, so please if there is something wrong dont hate me. I hope you enjoy it <3

                            _Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes_

     

      It was a nice, hot summer day in London. People say that London is always grey and foggy, but that's a lie. Phil always loved summer, except for the fact that he was very pale, so sunburns were a common thing is his life. He was just back from his parents house, walking down Victoria overground station, going to the underground so he could get the train to the Natural History Museum. He and Dan, his boyfriend, were supposed to meet at the Museum's garden. 

      The good thing about going to the Museum when it is summer, is that there is no schools trips to see dinosaurs or anything, because it is summer vacation. The bad part, though, is that everywhere is filled with tourists. 

      Not that this is an actual bad thing, but Phil always felt so anxious around strange people. Not when he was with Dan, of course. Daniel Howell could make everyone disappear in just a second. All Phil had to do was look in the younger's eyes. Seriously, Phil could be lost in Dan's eyes for hours.

      When Phil arrived, Dan was already there. Not on their usual spot. There was an old chinese couple under the tree that have witnessed many kisses from the two boys. Phil ran to meet Dan and wrapped his arms around the youngest. Dan hugged him back, but not the way he usually does. 

      "I missed you so much" Phil said. Dan was completely quiet. "What's wrong, Dan?" Phil asked. 

      "Look, Phil..." Dan started, and Phil knew what was about to come. "We need to talk."

      All of the sudden, everything stopped. Dan's eyes weren't powerful enough. Phil started to suffocate in the middle of all those people. All he could think of was on the words Dan would say next, all he could think of was not having that freaking cute boy on his daily basis. He was using all of his forces not to cry. Dan continued.

      "While you were away, I was alone. Alone for the first time in what? Five years? Completely alone. And I started to think, Phil. Think about my life. Our life."

      At this time, Phil couldn't hold his tears anymore. 

      "Dan... I..." 

      "No, Phil, don't cry. Please. Just let me finish... Please."

      Phil was quiet. The whole garden was loud, with children running and laughing. But all Phil could hear was Dan.

 

      Dan breaking his heart.

 

      _When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes_

 

Breaking up with Phil was the hardest thing he ever had to do, and even now, five months later, Dan would still think about it. It was great living on his own for a change, but sometimes it felt weird. It was weird not having Phil there all the time to help him with videos, editing, existencial crisis or even with cooking dinner. 

      The first month was difficult. Back then, they still had the radio show to plan, and seeing each other every week broke Dan's heart. But even with a broken heart, Dan wouldn't regret it. After the last radio show, everything got easier. 

      Not seeing Phil helped with Dan getting his life on track again. 

      People usually think that the life after the break up is easy for the one who broke up, but it is hard for both parts. When Dan did it, he still loved Phil. More than he could ever think of loving someone. But he needed this time alone to figure out who he was outside of Phil's life. The last seven years of his life just went that way because of Phil. 

      The second month was okay. And the third was even better. 

      Now, five months after, Dan was used to living alone. 

                                                                                             ~//~ 

      It was a cold january afternoon and Dan decided it was time to clean his apartment. The place was a mess. Since he got back from the holidays in his parents' house he hadn't cleaned it up. 

      He started with some clothes, putting them in two different piles: the clean ones and the ones that needed washing. After that, he went to the dirty clothes pile to see if there was anything in the pockets. Once he washed his earbuds and it wasn't very nice. 

      He found five pounds. Some coins. A band-aid. Tissues. And a photograph. 

              _We keep this love in a photograph_

_We made these memories for ourselves_

It was a photograph of him and Phil. It was originally posted on instagram, but Phil printed it so he could send to his parents in a letter. Dan said "just send an e-mail!" but after he saw the photo, he wanted to keep for himself, so he made Phil print another copy just for him. It was from the time they got to be on the British Awards. [Suited up and everything. ](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-R1tsUj_Q6jQ/VLE2Tb1_DyI/AAAAAAAAA7o/YegWBOnogfw/s1600/p01sk413.jpg) 

      Dan just ignored it and got back to cleaning the room. 

      After a few hours, Dan started to think about that picture. He remembered that day. It was when things between he and Phil were getting better again, after the black hole that were 2012. 

      Dan remembered getting ready on their apartment. And when he saw Phil, with his tuxedo, he thought that Philip Lester was the most handsome guy out there. Phil might have tought the same way about Dan, because when they got back home that night, kinda drunk because of the after-party, they kissed. For the first time in years. 

      That night they kissed and loved each other so much. That night was the first of so many nights that they spent on Phil's bedroom. He couldn't stop smiling.

      And then Dan remembered everything. All the kisses. All of the cuddling. The great sensation it was to be next to Phil. 

      He remembered all of their trips. To Jamaica, Las Vegas, Japan. 

      The endless nights they spent naked under the covers. 

      Dan then started to feel empty. He started to miss Phil's hugges and kisses. To miss Phil. 

 

          _Our hearts were never broken_

_And time's forever frozen still_

 

      For the next week, everywhere Dan went, he would bring the picture with him. He wasn't sure yet if he should call Phil or not, so everytime he started to think about it all he had to do was take the picture out of his pocket and stare at Phil's smile, waiting for a magical answer to appear. 

 

              _So you can keep me_

_Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans_

 

      Another week went by and that was all Dan needed to end with this torture he was suffering from his own toughts. He called Phil and he agreed to meet Dan so they could talk.

 

            _Loving can heal_

_Loving can mend your soul_

      

      Dan had to see Phil. He wasn't sure yet what he was going to say. He thought it would be better to figure it out when he see Phil. 

      They decided that would be better if they didn't go to a public space, so Dan was supposed to go to their old apartment. Phil was still living there. 

      Dan rang the doorbell and put his hands inside his pockets. It felt weird having to wait someone to open the door of a place that had been his home for so long. 

      Phil answered the door. He was wearing pajamas. In that exact moment, Dan knew he couldn't live without Phil anymore. 

      He entered the living room and sat down. He wasn't there for small talk, he was there to be direct and tell Phil he missed him. 

      "Phil..." Dan started, still searching for the right words in his mind. "The whole point of this time apart was for me to understand what I am without you." Dan felt the urge to cry, but he held his tears back. Phil was quietly listening to Dan. So he continued "and I thought I was okay. But Phil, see that?" 

      Dan took the picture out of his pocket and showed Phil. 

      "Remember when this was taken? We were so happy."  
      "Dan..." Phil said. "What is the point of this? What is the point of coming to my house and showing me this picture?" Phil sounded so deffensive but Dan said what he had to say. 

       "The point of this, Phil, is that I want you back. No, I need you back. I miss you so much." Dan went for a hug, but Phil stepped back. 

       "Dan. Stop." Phil started. "Getting over you was the hardest thing I ever had to do. And now I'm not sure if we can get back. Don't think that I don't want to, Dan. I love you. But I won't be able to deal with another broken heart if you ever decide to do this again." Dan let one tear scape, but he wiped it and Phil said "I'm sorry." 

                

              _I swear it'll get easier,_

_Remember that with every piece of ya_

 

      Dan went home with his heart broken and his face wet. He laid down on his bed and cried himself to sleep. The next day he woke up, took a long shower and sat down on the floor, next to the fireplace. After a while, he took the picture out of his pocket and kept looking at it. He wasn't crying anymore, but it felt like he could collapse at any time. 

 

              _We keep this love in a photograph_

_We made these memories for ourselves_

 

      The doorbell rang. Dan got up and realized he had spent the whole day on the floor, holding the photo. He looked in the mirror and his hair was a mess, all curly. His eyes were red from crying and his face was wrinkled. He didn't care at all, it was probably the mailman anyway and he had seen worse. 

      He went to the door, still holding the picture, opening the door to find a very pale Phil, with not enough clothes to go out on january cold. 

 

            _So you can keep me_

_Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans_

_Holding me close until our eyes meet_

_You won't ever be alone_

 

      Dan froze for a few seconds, but then he broke the silence. 

      "Oh my god Phil you must be freezing!" Dan pulled him closer. Phil went inside and before Dan could say anything else, he grabbed Dan's face and kissed him. Dan was so confused but ended up kissing him back. 

 

            _And if you hurt me that's okay baby_

 

      "Phil? What the f..."

      "It took me three months to get over you. Three whole months. You broke my heart, Daniel."

      Dan looked down, ashamed. But Phil kept talking "But it took me three hours to realize that I can't live without you. Yesterday, when you left the apartment, our apartment, I felt like I needed to go after you. But I didn't. My pride was louder. But today, Carrie went to visit me and she opened my eyes... And I came here to tell you..."

       "I fucking love you, Philip Lester." Dan said, interrupting Phil. "And I won't ever let you go." 

      After Dan said that, they went for another kiss. And another. And another... 

 

             _When I'm away_  
_I will remember how you kissed me_  
_Under the lamppost back on 6th street_  
_Hearing you whisper through the phone_  
_Wait for me to come home_


End file.
